Today I notice a change coming in me. I am less likely to enjoy a good debate these days, than I was before. I guess it's because even when I feel something is very obvious, others don't get it. So, does that mean I'm wrong. Are we really all supposed to have such differing of opinions on issues of godliness. It seems that I am more disappointed and struggle with this issue now, when before it was refreshing. I believe God is bringing me to put away my expectations of others to agree together, and leading me more to the important relationship of love that He wants with me. Love of God needs to be central and letting His Word my refreshment. Caring for people, and talking things out, but only when needed, for His glory is the best way and I need to go back in that direction. I need to let subjects of disagreement that are not pivotal to growth in Christ stay to the side.

What to say about our home/family. Well, we are a haphazard kind of crew. The table doubles as a paper stacking area, which is fine, because we almost always eat in the living room, if we even eat at the same time. The kids have desks in the school room, but prefer to do school in their rooms. I have lots of undone projects that I could do, but usually put aside to clean, or organize or sit at the computer. I sometimes put on music and sometimes we work to the hum of the a/c or heating system. We snack when we're hungry, take breaks to chit chat now and again, and as every mother does, I have to give lots of reminders to do daily chores and try to instill some basic good habits,( of which, I myself, do not even practice consistently). I looooved the times when I could buy lots of manipulatives, and educational games for my kids and I to use, but these days, both kids are older and prefer to be left to their studies uninterrupted by mom's 'great ideas'. I do get a lot of great ideas and try each one to see which will fit our family and which will fizzle out. Sometimes I feel guilty for trying out so many new things and then letting most of them go. Is that teaching inconsistency or simple not being afraid to try things that might work and might not?Hmm We also are a very tech. oriented family, ( which is not my preference, but is again how our family works). Dad and kids all love video games and movies. Mom tries to stay out of most of that or be cautious at what all I allow myself to get into. I would rather everyone be reading and writing and discussing, but, going with the flow, while sticking some occasional reading/writing assignments in here and there, is a way I can not totally lose out on my vision without causing turmoil and disharmony. I do love movies, although I hate all the garbage they contain and so I try to put questionable movies into the Clear Play so that I can use filters. The computer,( mostly fb), is huge for our family. I have one child though, who's been writing a series of books for yrs., and for that, I am o.k. with all the time spent in front of 'The Screen'. As for field trips and outings, these, as with the edu-games and such, are also mostly a thing of the past. And, once again, there's limited interest,( or should I say, unlimited DISinterest). haha Sometimes I simply say that we are going to do something, like it or not. And, in this area, I am extremely glad for photos that remind us..those things really weren't all that bad. :) My kids are better than me in some areas though, like spending money. They continually remind me of all the stuff I don't need, which is great, because that's an ongoing journey for me this past while. I don't want to stock up on unnecessary things, but, the temptations are always there. And, my kids are also better at thinking skills than I am. I am very poor in the observation/common sense dept.'s; And so, with homeschooling, and some great logic basis studies, these guys are better prepared to think for themselves than I ever was at their ages. It's almost a shame, but, I also know that I am succeeding at preparing them for the barrages of false arguments that this world has. Our family also has been able to challenge even the Church in this area. We find many people live in a box of do's and don'ts without even knowing why. We have been able to challenge those mind frames to some degrees by deciding on doing things that are against the grain,( not out of rebellion or spite), and having sound reasoning for the questions/accusations that we are faced with. So, in conclusion,( phht, that sounds a bit too formal), our family is not really the traditional, the house is clean 'cause mom's home all day, everyone eats around the table together, intensely involved in intellectual activities,( I wish), follow all the predetermined mind sets of our Christian culture, push to the top kind of family. But, I know that God is always working on us and that our family is the way it is, for a reason unbeknowns to me,( obviously) and I think we have our strengths and weaknesses, just like every other fam. on this planet. :)

Feeling that feeling again. I have so much to do but just don't have the motivation to get started. However, once I get to it, I can get stuff done. I have undone projects that I want to do themselves. I could get everything done if I wanted, but instead I sit here blogging about how it's undone. :( I truly need to have a better work ethic. Does anyone else feel like they are lagging behind but don't really want to put forth the effort needed to catch up? Hmm Laziness is it's name. Why do I struggle with it so much? It must be because I don't have the need to have to do things within a certain time frame. Still, the way I feel and act is so very anti Psalm 31 woman. I guess pray for me that I will have a vision and an inspiration get under my skin and drive me to become who I should as home-maker, wife and mother.

the hard stuff

Had to make a decision awhile back...a decision that would affect someone, whom I've known for 4 yrs., in a negative way. There were insurmountable problems regarding our kids getting together, problems I'd overlooked for way too long. I cut communication to this family for several months wondering what to do about explaining why I've been ignoring them out of nowhere. So, today, I finally wrote a note to this person, and hopefully explained as gently as possible why I took the break and why there prob. will be much less relationship than before. I've had ppl in my own life who've cut me off and never explained well. So, knowing how that feels and knowing what those ppl should have done, I am trying to do what's right. It's hard, knowing you're going to offend someone. So, let's see what the response will be...if there is one. Sigh

Old or young

When I was younger I lived on hand me downs and never ever thought to look around to see if what I wore was in style or not. When I look back at some of my 'favorite' outfits, I see that they look waaaay old for me. Now in my older yrs. I am dressing younger....hoodies, crazy jeans, t-shirts and all that, but I still have this old person living inside me apparently, because when I go shopping at a thrift store, I am often tempted to buy things that look like something my grandma would've worn. What's with that? I don't want to be that way, and yet I do. I wonder if we're all like that in a certain way. haha A happy in between is what I need to find and hopefully stay there.

Getting ready for Victoria to take a class up at North Greenville University next sem. How weird this is going to be...but totally exciting. She will start with only one class,( Psychology) so it shouldn't be too bad. However, it looks like we will be doing a Mon. night class, so even though the class is 2.5 hrs. long, it will only be once a wk. That's awesome since it's half hr. drive each way. Now Francis and I will have to figure out what we will do during the time of her class though. We'll have to find somewhere around that we can hang out at. It might be some great mother/son time. I am so ready to see how Victoria does in this new season. I think she's going to grow and change in a good way and become more prepared for life on her own. Wow. What a thought. But, really, so excited!!!

The Little Things

God sometimes reminds us that He is in control of everything, and we all have stories of those times. Well, I have a new story to tell, and it is about a seemingly insignificant thing. While Victoria's friend Kiara was here from Puerto Rico, we went to the library to find an old cartoon version of The Lord of the Rings-The King Returns. As we searched the shelves we couldn't find it. The kids had watched this together before, ( yrs. ago) and wanted to watch it together again for old times sake. :) I decided the best thing to do was to go to the children's dept. desk and see if someone there could help us. When I described what we were looking for, they were doubtful that we would find it, but while standing there waiting while the secretary searched the comp. data base...Victoria,( who had come up to stand beside me) said, " Isn't that it right there?" I looked down on the desk, and on top of a pile of videos that were to be checked back in to the library, was the exact and only copy of what we wanted. I was astounded, and so were the ladies at the desk. I rejoiced at God's hand and wondered at His love for us that even something so little was on His heart to give us. Amazing. I don't think I've been chafing over much of anything since then. I realize that my life is ordered by God down to the seemingly unimportant things.