Being outspoken

I never was you know...outspoken that is. When I was younger I was bossy to my lil brother, but at school, I was sooooo insecure. I don't think I spoke much, or looked many ppl in the eye. I remember most the negatives of school life and being picked on. I wasn't taught much, or trained in how to think for myself, or think logically. I was taught how to be confident in who I was in Christ and shown my good traits. So, I wandered aimlessly through life, until my confidence was found. At that point, it was all just a desperate attempt to soak in all the fun, friends and acceptance that I could. I stood by certain values/morals that had been ingrained in me, but mostly to point at others and show them their 'sin'. Much, much later, I met someone who challenged me to think. Wow, of all things. :) Now, as I study the Word, and read info.,( scientific, historical, or whatever) I don't just accept what's being presented and many times I have a bone to pick with something that's said or presented because I see a fault in it. Now, here's where the problem has been lately. I stand up now for what I believe and try to back every opinion up with either Scripture or logical reasoning, and believe me, it hasn't made me too many friends. I know this desire for truth in me has challenged some ppl in a good way, but, I think it's also driven many ppl away. So, now I am coming into a realization that I need to be careful not to have a need to put my view into every conversation. I need to pick only the important and relevant issues to enter into if I have an opposing position. It's interesting though, that even if I become more choosy, I'll still be alienating ppl from myself by being so outspoken. I wonder if this is part of 'the cross' that I carry. It isn't popular many times to challenge ppl to act more as I believe Jesus would want us to act, and many times, actually most times, the things that I am the most passionate about in the moment, are the things that God is putting in my own heart. So, what to do, what to do. Should I slow down and take it easy? Keep my mouth shut, follow the crowd and not rock the boat? I don't know, but I do know that I'm more aware now that I have this issue to mull over and I hope that helps me to only speak out when needed.

busy vs. fruitfulness

I realized something today after having a conversation with someone I've just re-connected with. I was admitting to much laziness and have known for some time now that I could do so much more to keep my home in order and teach responsibility to my kids by developing some of my own. But, I also abhor those who are soooo busy all the time with this and that, that there's no time for the important things, like relationships. So, I realized this- in all the musing;I don't always need to be 'busy' but I do always need to be fruitful. Like right now..I'm not really busy. I'm not doing chores, or running errands, or doing projects, but in writing this blog, I am hopefully being fruitful. I will be searching myself for the next while to see what this new motto will mean for me. I wonder how many of you have already discovered this truth in your lives.

homeschool motto

So, I have been dealing with some issues lately that have required me to think/analyze a bit more about homeschooling. And, here's the motto that embodies what homeschool should look like for me. Love God and Love Learning. Punto. That's it. Now, because I didn't know how to instill the love learning part for sooo many yrs. , that part of the motto has not been fully realized. And having two teenagers who want to do nothing that requires effort, of course, schooling doesn't seem so fun these days. But, learning is not just during the hours of school, nor does it have to do only with books and assignments. We all know that, that's obvious. The Love of God part is also something that has not been instilled from day 1 since I've been on the journey of truly finding my faith for many yrs., and my struggles with the flesh along the way have not exactly been the kind of magnet toward God that my kids have needed to see. But, now that I am dedicated to the Lord, I am hoping He will use what time is left to breath into my kids the desire to know and love Him. This motto, and the challenges that I have been presented with to analyze how I homeschool, has allowed me to once again focus on the most important things. The other things are just that...other things. I will do what God wants in my homeschool situation. I know that others are already on the right track in their homes too. I am glad that God has led me to a couple of things these last few days regarding exactly what I've been dealing with, to comfort me and to reassure me, that if I am seeking Him, then He will do in our lives what should be done. Amen.

Today I notice a change coming in me. I am less likely to enjoy a good debate these days, than I was before. I guess it's because even when I feel something is very obvious, others don't get it. So, does that mean I'm wrong. Are we really all supposed to have such differing of opinions on issues of godliness. It seems that I am more disappointed and struggle with this issue now, when before it was refreshing. I believe God is bringing me to put away my expectations of others to agree together, and leading me more to the important relationship of love that He wants with me. Love of God needs to be central and letting His Word my refreshment. Caring for people, and talking things out, but only when needed, for His glory is the best way and I need to go back in that direction. I need to let subjects of disagreement that are not pivotal to growth in Christ stay to the side.

What to say about our home/family. Well, we are a haphazard kind of crew. The table doubles as a paper stacking area, which is fine, because we almost always eat in the living room, if we even eat at the same time. The kids have desks in the school room, but prefer to do school in their rooms. I have lots of undone projects that I could do, but usually put aside to clean, or organize or sit at the computer. I sometimes put on music and sometimes we work to the hum of the a/c or heating system. We snack when we're hungry, take breaks to chit chat now and again, and as every mother does, I have to give lots of reminders to do daily chores and try to instill some basic good habits,( of which, I myself, do not even practice consistently). I looooved the times when I could buy lots of manipulatives, and educational games for my kids and I to use, but these days, both kids are older and prefer to be left to their studies uninterrupted by mom's 'great ideas'. I do get a lot of great ideas and try each one to see which will fit our family and which will fizzle out. Sometimes I feel guilty for trying out so many new things and then letting most of them go. Is that teaching inconsistency or simple not being afraid to try things that might work and might not?Hmm We also are a very tech. oriented family, ( which is not my preference, but is again how our family works). Dad and kids all love video games and movies. Mom tries to stay out of most of that or be cautious at what all I allow myself to get into. I would rather everyone be reading and writing and discussing, but, going with the flow, while sticking some occasional reading/writing assignments in here and there, is a way I can not totally lose out on my vision without causing turmoil and disharmony. I do love movies, although I hate all the garbage they contain and so I try to put questionable movies into the Clear Play so that I can use filters. The computer,( mostly fb), is huge for our family. I have one child though, who's been writing a series of books for yrs., and for that, I am o.k. with all the time spent in front of 'The Screen'. As for field trips and outings, these, as with the edu-games and such, are also mostly a thing of the past. And, once again, there's limited interest,( or should I say, unlimited DISinterest). haha Sometimes I simply say that we are going to do something, like it or not. And, in this area, I am extremely glad for photos that remind us..those things really weren't all that bad. :) My kids are better than me in some areas though, like spending money. They continually remind me of all the stuff I don't need, which is great, because that's an ongoing journey for me this past while. I don't want to stock up on unnecessary things, but, the temptations are always there. And, my kids are also better at thinking skills than I am. I am very poor in the observation/common sense dept.'s; And so, with homeschooling, and some great logic basis studies, these guys are better prepared to think for themselves than I ever was at their ages. It's almost a shame, but, I also know that I am succeeding at preparing them for the barrages of false arguments that this world has. Our family also has been able to challenge even the Church in this area. We find many people live in a box of do's and don'ts without even knowing why. We have been able to challenge those mind frames to some degrees by deciding on doing things that are against the grain,( not out of rebellion or spite), and having sound reasoning for the questions/accusations that we are faced with. So, in conclusion,( phht, that sounds a bit too formal), our family is not really the traditional, the house is clean 'cause mom's home all day, everyone eats around the table together, intensely involved in intellectual activities,( I wish), follow all the predetermined mind sets of our Christian culture, push to the top kind of family. But, I know that God is always working on us and that our family is the way it is, for a reason unbeknowns to me,( obviously) and I think we have our strengths and weaknesses, just like every other fam. on this planet. :)

Feeling that feeling again. I have so much to do but just don't have the motivation to get started. However, once I get to it, I can get stuff done. I have undone projects that I want to do themselves. I could get everything done if I wanted, but instead I sit here blogging about how it's undone. :( I truly need to have a better work ethic. Does anyone else feel like they are lagging behind but don't really want to put forth the effort needed to catch up? Hmm Laziness is it's name. Why do I struggle with it so much? It must be because I don't have the need to have to do things within a certain time frame. Still, the way I feel and act is so very anti Psalm 31 woman. I guess pray for me that I will have a vision and an inspiration get under my skin and drive me to become who I should as home-maker, wife and mother.

the hard stuff

Had to make a decision awhile back...a decision that would affect someone, whom I've known for 4 yrs., in a negative way. There were insurmountable problems regarding our kids getting together, problems I'd overlooked for way too long. I cut communication to this family for several months wondering what to do about explaining why I've been ignoring them out of nowhere. So, today, I finally wrote a note to this person, and hopefully explained as gently as possible why I took the break and why there prob. will be much less relationship than before. I've had ppl in my own life who've cut me off and never explained well. So, knowing how that feels and knowing what those ppl should have done, I am trying to do what's right. It's hard, knowing you're going to offend someone. So, let's see what the response will be...if there is one. Sigh