Performing

I have been mulling over this concept since it dawned on me that one of my dear children has, from little, been severely effected by feeling like performing well=being valued and loved. Now, I know all parents make mistakes and all that, but I just realized,( again and on a deeper level) that a child sometimes perceives things we do as messages about our feelings toward them. So, I began to think of all the instances where either through word or deed, my children have been made to think that they need to perform. What is the difference between performing to be loved and accepted, and performing to complete a task, or performing as a means of forming a habit etc. This is a biiig idea to pick apart. But, I think I might have gotten to the bottom of it, at least in some way. We tend to be self-centered creatures, so, performing to achieve a goal of accolades, or acceptance is the wrong kind of performance, or maybe just the wrong motivation. Performing to achieve an end goal that will help us to be the best we can within God's plan for our lives is the right kind of performance. For example, learning to have good manners is a type of performing but with the focus on others. Performing skills can be a part of your every day responsibilities,( i.e., you have a job that requires you to design a building, or explain a new math concept to a class of students, or even dance in a ballet production). We perform much more than we realize. However, sometimes we expect a certain type of performance by others to please ourselves or exert control over them. I think that's where I come back to the musing over all the wrong I committed in the growing up years of unnamed child. Children are needy. They need our care and our love. They need our teaching and our unconditional acceptance. But, sometimes we get caught up in their performance. We can put unfair expectations on them or they may simply perceive a whole value system of themselves off of a handful of sinful parenting moments. After that, they may even perceive other people's expectations of them as performance=value. Tender hearted kids take this to an unhealthy level I think. And we as parents don't realize the affects that can have. So, I guess I'll keep pondering this subject and see what else God may show me. Any insight from you all is welcome. :)