Friday, November 13, 2009

It's funny, but I guess I am trying to be someone who I'm not in a lot of areas. Have you ever done that? You see something that you admire in someone else, and think...oooo, I want to do that or be like that and then you take off with all this wild as the wind inspiration..only to find out that you lose steam before you really get started. I am sooo laid back, I am not a personality type A and hope I never will be. But, it would be nice to fall somewhere in the middle. I find that I am super passionate about what I believe and that means that a lot of ppl don't like to be around me during certain conversations. But you know what? Too bad. Not to be yucky, but you can't change the direction of your heart toward God..the place that He's leading, just because it isn't popular with others. I have to search out the motivation for everything I do. I often wonder why more ppl don't think the way I do...and I know that sounds really self-righteous. But, here's what I mean...I try as hard as I can to have perspectives based of factual info., sound reasoning and the Word. So, then, if this is how I come to many of the views I have of how we should live....why do a lot of ppl see it as over-zealous or legalistic? I am very confused. But, at the same time..I believe I used to be very much the same. If someone told me that something was wrong and they showed me proof... I would accept it but not until after a journey of stubborness and excuses. I find that in church some things are " controversial" issues and that there isn't unity of the Body, but rather offense if a challenge is presented. I feel like an outcast...the weird one...the over the edge one. Hmm, I guess I will just con't to be me...and hope to challenge ppl just as I have been challenged by ppl in my life. I want to keep learning, growing and going forward and putting behind be the deceptions of the Enemy. I hope to fall into the company of those who are headed in the same direction. I want no part of passive Christianity and I want to break lose from mindless traditions and burst out of the 'bubble' of my own life. I want to run this race unhindered by wordly cares...does ANYBODY want to go with me? Please, God, help me to do what I should and be who you desire.

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