Monday, December 27, 2010

the hard stuff

Had to make a decision awhile back...a decision that would affect someone, whom I've known for 4 yrs., in a negative way. There were insurmountable problems regarding our kids getting together, problems I'd overlooked for way too long. I cut communication to this family for several months wondering what to do about explaining why I've been ignoring them out of nowhere. So, today, I finally wrote a note to this person, and hopefully explained as gently as possible why I took the break and why there prob. will be much less relationship than before. I've had ppl in my own life who've cut me off and never explained well. So, knowing how that feels and knowing what those ppl should have done, I am trying to do what's right. It's hard, knowing you're going to offend someone. So, let's see what the response will be...if there is one. Sigh

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Old or young

When I was younger I lived on hand me downs and never ever thought to look around to see if what I wore was in style or not. When I look back at some of my 'favorite' outfits, I see that they look waaaay old for me. Now in my older yrs. I am dressing younger....hoodies, crazy jeans, t-shirts and all that, but I still have this old person living inside me apparently, because when I go shopping at a thrift store, I am often tempted to buy things that look like something my grandma would've worn. What's with that? I don't want to be that way, and yet I do. I wonder if we're all like that in a certain way. haha A happy in between is what I need to find and hopefully stay there.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Getting ready for Victoria to take a class up at North Greenville University next sem. How weird this is going to be...but totally exciting. She will start with only one class,( Psychology) so it shouldn't be too bad. However, it looks like we will be doing a Mon. night class, so even though the class is 2.5 hrs. long, it will only be once a wk. That's awesome since it's half hr. drive each way. Now Francis and I will have to figure out what we will do during the time of her class though. We'll have to find somewhere around that we can hang out at. It might be some great mother/son time. I am so ready to see how Victoria does in this new season. I think she's going to grow and change in a good way and become more prepared for life on her own. Wow. What a thought. But, really, so excited!!!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Little Things

God sometimes reminds us that He is in control of everything, and we all have stories of those times. Well, I have a new story to tell, and it is about a seemingly insignificant thing. While Victoria's friend Kiara was here from Puerto Rico, we went to the library to find an old cartoon version of The Lord of the Rings-The King Returns. As we searched the shelves we couldn't find it. The kids had watched this together before, ( yrs. ago) and wanted to watch it together again for old times sake. :) I decided the best thing to do was to go to the children's dept. desk and see if someone there could help us. When I described what we were looking for, they were doubtful that we would find it, but while standing there waiting while the secretary searched the comp. data base...Victoria,( who had come up to stand beside me) said, " Isn't that it right there?" I looked down on the desk, and on top of a pile of videos that were to be checked back in to the library, was the exact and only copy of what we wanted. I was astounded, and so were the ladies at the desk. I rejoiced at God's hand and wondered at His love for us that even something so little was on His heart to give us. Amazing. I don't think I've been chafing over much of anything since then. I realize that my life is ordered by God down to the seemingly unimportant things.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

What possesses a person to have a big party at their house? :) I am having one for the teenagers from church so that my kids can make memories, and so that I can get to know the youth better and of course so we can have fun!!! But who's gonna have fun I wonder? I doubt it's gonna be me. haha I have to make sure everything runs smoothly, have all the materials for the games in order and at hand, make sure the food is at least accessible and pre-prepared so I can just set it our when the time is right. And how the heck do you do that when you are serving banana splits? I have to keep the ice cream in the freezer and have the topings in some kind of containers and ready to serve. Hmm The house needs cleaning, the lawn needs mowing and I haven't gone shopping yet. Oh dear, the fun of last minute preparations! Nerve wracking, stomach churning, hair pulling stress. Yet, when it's over and I collapse...I hope to have good pictures/video and tons of happy smiles and laughs running through my memory's movie screen. In the end, it's almost always worth the craziness! I hope this time will be no different. :)

Monday, August 9, 2010

Day 1

We started back to school today. It started like this...a funny wake-up song that the kids absolutely hate..haha. So, that means I started the day out with two grumps. We sat down to do a half hr. review or quick-snippet of various info. from the Bible to the body, from hymns to handwriting. The kids had breakfast while working on the first subject,( half an orange, milk and monkey bread). I have been scouring youtube and for some needed supplemental videos. Now in the quiet I am quickly updating all of you, and now I need to clean the kitchen and prepare to help Francis, since most of his classes are a time of review with me. I think we'll be done by 3.

Sunday, August 1, 2010


I am so half-baked, and to give you an idea of what I mean, here are a couple of recent examples. I have been staring forever at a cookie sheet on top of my toaster oven that has dried herbs on it. However, instead of drying the herbs how the books and internet said I should, I just cut them and threw them on a cookie sheet. They did eventually dry. Now I just leave the cookie sheet there and take from it when I need it. I know I should crumble and store the herbs, but I just don't. The next example is the shop-vac. Every Wed. Francis uses it to vacuum his room,( he's the only one with carpet). A few days ago, I took it apart to clean the filters. The filters stayed laying on the side of my bathtub for about 2 days after they were dry and another 2-3 days sitting next to the vacuum, where they still currently are today. I only have to slide the filters back in place and put the top back on, but have I done it..haha...nope! What is it about starting things and not finishing? I have started scrapbooks that who knows if they will ever get done. I have put many articles of clothing that needs stitching up in my 'fix it' pile, just to forget it and see it again later after my kids have already grown out of it. Yikes. Talk about procrastinating. I guess it's all about what is important to me. I mean, some days I get the organizing itch so bad that I lug things out of shelves and closets until everything is in the 'new' place where I visualized it. How weird to get so obsessed with something like that, but then not care about stuff laying around waiting to be put away. This is me though, this is part of who I am and how I work and I know there are others like me...believe me, I've seen it with my own eyes. :)

Saturday, July 31, 2010

It's raining, it's pouring...and I love it. There's a few things in the garden that are still trying to produce, plus the squash seeds I put out yesterday are surely loving this downfall. Soon, I hope to see those thick, spring greens seedlings taking off. The butterfly bush is beautiful, the caterpillars that are now munching on,( actually have left only skeletal remains of) one of my brussel sprout plants are hopefully soon to make their comfy cocoons and become a bunch of butterflies. I haven't seen more than one of those in my yard, til this last couple of days. Now I've been seeing these great big black winged, with blue tails butterflies and today a large yellow and black. Wow!! I also gave up on attracting humming birds...then a few days ago, while looking at the flowers on this humongous tree/weed thing that is growing out from the middle of a huge holly bush we have....I saw a humming bird sipping from the weed's flowers. Today, I opened my bedroom curtain to see one drinking from some of the flowers I put out for them. Oh the joy!!

Speaking of joy, while reading several sections of the Word today, there was such a quiet joy in my being...I felt like one who was being pampered and loved on by an amazing Heavenly Father. I need that right now I guess more than normal...something may or may not be about to happen in our family that could prove to be very difficult for all of us and in various ways. I feel like today, all the things that I had hoped for this yr. to happen in my yard/garden are slowly being revealed to me a way that God is saying...I saved all this for this specific time, so that you would know that I am thinking about you. I am so blessed.

I guess that' s it for now...I have a bit more work to do on the school room, then I'll take a picture and post it. Another day, I need to blog out some crazy deep thinking I was doing yesterday...intellectual kinds of stuff that I would usually not even be able to understand, but for some reason, my mind seemed very open and clear. Wow. I guess that proves that I really can think logically and reason. :)

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Wow, almost time to get back into the school thing. This yr. I finally took down all the little kid posters from the walls of the school room. The kids' friends were starting to say stuff. Hint, hint mom. haha But, I admit, that I did buy a couple new sets of posters that might not be appreciated by the kids...posters about the love of reading by Mary Engelbreit...I love her illustrations. So whimsical! ;) I guess the rest of the posters that I have will be put up for short periods when they are most appropriate. I guess I just love posters. And this yr. I am going to try breaking away from the loose leaf type assignment logs. They worked fine, but I wanted to use an actual teacher's planner. Since it's spiral bound the kids don't have to worry about finding the correct assignment log and I don't have to keep up with printing out new ones for every week. So, even though the front of the book it the typical 'recording grades for 30 students' set up, the back is a year's worth of weekly planners. So, I have one book for each kid to have and I will just have to figure out how to use the front to record grades for only one student. :) We'll see how this works. Every yr. is something new and this yr. is no different.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Today I am trying not to procrastinate too much on the 'to-do' list I am ever so slowly getting done. I will run out and put some 10-10-10 before the supposed rain, so that if it rains, the fertilizer will get soaked without me running up the water bill. Yay to nature for it's sprinkler system. Then there's the summer cards that I am supposed to have made all this time. I really and truly don't want to make them, but I need to get rid of more scrapbooking paper and that's one great way to do it. One day, I will go back to store bought cards. I can't wait. Then, the kids are sick and I feel like I'm getting it too. VBS is in two days and Victoria and I are supposed to do games. I need to pray that God will get us better so that we can do our part. Now, I just need to tear myself away from the computer...sigh and do what responsible adults :)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I think gardening is not going to work for me here at this house. There are sooo many mosquitoes that it's crazy. How fun is it to spray down with repellent every time I want to go water or weed or plant. It's ridiculous. Plus, no matter what, most of the stuff I have now is either eaten or diseased. I can't stand it, the more I garden this yr. the more money I need to spend on pesticides and composts and fungicides and I am simply not going to do it. It's getting to be too much. So, I will let whatever else is going to produce this summer to do it's thing, and then I'll throw a few seeds in pots for the fall, but that's it. I need a better place to do this and unless we get rid of these pests, I am not willing to keep putting money, money, money into this garden that's not giving much back and I am certainly not willing to be a pin-cushion for the mosquitoes anymore. Such a bummer!!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Well, it's been a looong time again. I don't really know what to say here, but I'm bored and decided I should be able to say something about all this time that I haven't blogged. Let's see...Victoria is still book writing...going to bed at 7 a.m. and getting up at 4 p.m. I am so glad she has the time for this activity that's so special to her. Once school starts back she'll barely have time to do it. I have bribed Francis to read 20 books this summer. He'll get a Wii game if he finishes. We are looking forward to some vacation time in P.R. hopefully at the end of the summer,( we are going over there because the people renting our house want to buy it after all these years). We are excited about our friends and the beach and all the foods that we miss eating from over there. Then, in Nov. and/or Dec. Victoria will hopefully be seeing some out of state friends that her father is going to fly in to SC for her to celebrate her 16th b-day with her. It's just two girls and the friends she has her locally, but it should be a lot of fun if it all works out.

My garden has done only so-so this yr. and I am hoping to do better with the fall garden. Still, it was nice to get some produce from my own back yard. Speaking of my back yard..this morning as I took the dog out, a lady was passing by walking her own dog. She came in the back yard with us and we let the dog's play while she told me in un-edited wording about her recent divorce and her husband cheating and those kinds of things. She is actually an unknown neighbor from two doors down that I was getting perturbed with, since her cat comes in my yard and eats the birds. When I mentioned it, she didn't appologize and offer to keep the cat indoors, but I did tell her that I would con't chasing it out. I may end up calling pet control and let her have to go pick it up at the pound once to see if it's really worth her while. I just don't know if I should make quick enemies with someone I just met, who is looking for someone to unload on. I am not sure if she is the kind of person who will con't to talk all about how much of a victim she is or if she will be open to friendship and encouragement to go on with life. Hmm, I will have to proceed with cautioin and with prayer. One never knows what/who God might be putting in your path for a particular reason. So, let's see how all this pans out.

And, now I'm off to my bed, to bury myself in coupons and start cutting out what I need. And, maybe after that...I will scratch this organizing itch I have today...I can at least start planning on paper where I want to move things around too,( again). I love making the most of my space though. Esp. since I may be getting a few more things for school still. I am running out of room for things to fit neatly. In two more yrs. I will be able to really clean out school stuff since Victoria will be graduating. That's gonna be sooooo nice. Then, just 5 more yrs. to go before Francis is done. That is going to seem like eternity.

Friday, April 30, 2010

wonderful weather

I sat on the swing that my husband put up and was enjoying the freshness of the weather. Under the canopy of the oak tree, I looked around the yard and saw all the birds plucking the ground for bugs and worms, I saw my baby garden and the remnants of the azalea flowers. The breeze was fresh, not stifling or humid. Someone jogged by and commented that I had the right idea about how to spend a morning. I told him I had just spent half hr. watering the different areas of garden and flower beds. I water by can and I have to remind myself that it's good to do work and I will see the benefits as we harvest both edibles and visual delights. I imagine how horrible I'd be as a farmers wife, haha, and also feel convicted that I don't do more but way too often just sit and do mindless things. Maybe this is why I don't find as much satisfaction in things as I should and maybe this is why my own kids are very lazy as well. We are so blessed with technology that makes our life easy, that we don't work anymore at things and we have lost the art of what God intended. We are to take care of this earth, by working it. We are to perform good works, by doing..not sitting. I am trying to find my place of ministry,(still) and really feel that I must be in a season of preparation, of getting to know the Lord again on a different level and seeing things more through His eyes. I don't know what things/people He will put in my path but I know that I do what I can to reach people in the everyday of life. I am sure there's more that i should be doing. I will surely write another post some day about what new things are happening regarding these issues. I do however have gratitude everyday for running water, and car that starts, a ceiling fan, and a fridge. Even if I don't have a list of ministries or activities, I still feel that everyday is such a gift, a place for me to learn. I also love God's creation, the beauty that I am allowed to enjoy. I love this spring weather, it is so peaceful and full of promise...promise of renewal, regeneration, peace, and it even brings me to a place of quiet and a feeling of being in the presence of His holiness. It's amazing how something as simple as a season can be so profound in me. And just as a season of the year can be such a blessing, so can each season of our life when we allow God to do His work in us.

knowing them

Sometimes I look at my kids and realize that I talk to them all the time without actually looking at them....into their eyes, deeply, to know who they are inside. I am taking advantage of the fact that they are here but while they are here, shouldn't my heart's desire be to know them? Who are these two people that we are raising, and who will they be? How do they feel about themselves, what are their hopes and fears? Do they trust that I really care about them? Or do they feel that everything is only surface relation? Whoa, this is something that's really been on my mind. It's hard to even know who you are in yourself, and I don't think any of us ever really knows fully the depth of our own beings, but even as I am on my own journey, I should be whole heartedly commited to knowing my children. They spent 9 months in my inner-most parts but now I need to spend my time with them, getting to know their inner-most parts. I don't know if this will touch any of you or not...but I want to look at my kids and while looking into their eyes, be able to see the person they will become, because of knowing who they presently are.


Does it please God that I want new curtains, some plant stands, new dresses, blinds, and so on. Every time I buy something else for the house, I think I'll be satisfied for awhile but then those bare spots and places where things need to be tied together by some perfect picture or piece of decor start bothering me. I say I'll wait til I find stuff at garage sales, but never want to get up early enough to go to those. Lately I feel God has spoken to me about something. God has blessed us with free stuff for the house on and off for years. And almost always, those things work just fine with what we already have. In fact, God has reminded me that instead of putting HIS money into HIS kingdom, I keep putting it into mind. Sigh, that's so heavy. I want to badly to please Him, but i also want to please self. There's def. a battle going on here. However, I believe that I need to put my faith into action and begin to not buy and let God give me gifts. I need to invest in His heart and let Him satisfy mine. So, I hope and pray that through this journey of faith, I can do what I should and no regrets, but instead have testimony! God, please help me here.

School stuff

Every yr. I analyze what worked and what didn't and I begin the research for what I will pull in to next years schedule. I have realized though that since my kids are older and able to work on their own, I have become very lazy in checking to see if they are really getting what they are reading, or working on. And since Victoria likes me to leave her be, I have done the same with Francis. But he actually still needs me to teach and study with him. I also have become totally dull minded regarding everyday teaching opportunities like using the microscope that we have on pollen, or finding out the process by which water is cleaned and comes into our house. I need to do better but I never do. And, of course I am really excited this yr. because I am getting rid of a lot of curriculum from my shelves and drawers and it feels good to unload. But then again, now I am totally drooling over all the amazing readers I see in the Sonlight catalog and am hoping to find some of those at the book fair in May. Oh dear! I hope that next yr. I will try a bit harder to simply review the kids on things that they will need to always know, like math facts and vocab. Still, I am already looking at the fact that out of all the wonderful ideas I have every yr. only one or maybe two of those come to pass and even then, some other things fall by the wayside that shouldn't. And what about those wonderful attitudes that our students have. Sometimes I wonder if they'll go away with anything from this experience because of hard headedness,( wonder where that comes from). And yet, it will be done in a few yrs. and then we will see if they believe all this was worth it or not. I surely hope so. But if nothing else, I have learned a lot from these yrs. and I would not trade that for anything.

The Word

I've been really amazed at what God's Word in doing in my life, now that i am reading certain portions over and over. It makes me realize how much I am not aware of His purpose for my life and how very far I am from His true will. Most of the things I spend my life doing are probably not His will. How many people have I not evangelized because instead of opening doors to meet my neighbors, I am on the computer. Goodness. But I am glad that God is speaking into my life. He is truly Lord of All.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I guess a lot is on my mind today regarding some things I've been reading and some things I've been seeing. I am reading a book about Mormonism and it's incredible all the claims of error against Christianity that the Mormons themselves have present in their own beliefs. For instance, regarding the belief that God is 3 in 1, not 3 separate Mormon leader said that this belief,( along with other Christian doctrines) comes from paganism, and Hellanism,( the Greek beliefs). And, if you look back at those belief systems, you will see some of the beliefs that you would see in Christianity,( like the belief in a Creator-God). The author goes on to say and to quote from other theologans that of course many religions have some of the Truth, or have discovered some of the truths of science and how the laws of the universe work. He shows that all people have some knowledge of God or His works set in their hearts and minds. Then, the author goes on to show that Mormons also have beliefs that are the same as those of paganism, and Hellanism and other such systems of belief,( like the deification of humans, and the belief in the pre-existance of one's spirit before birth, etc.). Interesting, how if we don't know these things, that we have no clue how to shed Light on these inconsistancies. Then, while thinking about these things and some other recent issues, I wondered, as I often do, how many teens,( and adults) would know how to defend their faith to a non-believer in such a way as to at least leave a little seed of doubt in that person as to whether what they believe is actually true. Or is it just... well, I know God is real, and I know the Bible is true. Or, the most hated phrase....well, that's just how I was raised!! I hate that one! It gives the idea that the truth is whatever you are taught in your upbringing, no thinking required. Bla! And, all this connects to sincerity too...I mean, do you really believe what you say you do? Or is it just a tradition, a common view, or something? And if you really do believe in God and have Him as your personal Savior, then everything you do should be worship to God,( boy do I need work on this one). And then, thinking about worship....true worship is a personal thing, and lately I have been seeing some disturbing signs of worship being conncected to what someone else thinks it should look like. That is not acceptable. Who should tell me, apart from God, how, and where and when I should worship. Hmmm, so anyway, just having a lot of heart cries today for more Christians to stand at their posts and be aware of what's going on...not in a religious coma!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Well, I guess I am not about blogging as you noticed by my initial ambitions at writing and then the total plunge into silence for two months. I guess I notice that other people's blogs are mostly about home life and kids, or daily challenges and creative ideas. I guess I am more of a blogger about my spiritual journey and that doesn't seem too interesting to most people. When God reveals something to me, it means depths to me whereas another person just reads it and goes, " Oh, that's nice", or maybe even, "What's the big deal about that? I already knew that". So, I guess I kinda gave up with the blogging. I am not one for short either, it' s usually long and drawn out. I don't have cute quips, or fuzzy cute stories about my kids, I don't have tips or ideas,( not much anyway) to share and I don't sit around forever doing cute layouts for my page,( I don't know how or maybe I would, but I hate spending time on stuff like that). I don't have family and friends who just love to read the next entry of my musings, or even other blog friends who share the same rhythm of the what I am basically saying is...I believe these entries will be few and far between. Sorry :)