Friday, March 4, 2011
I never was you know...outspoken that is. When I was younger I was bossy to my lil brother, but at school, I was sooooo insecure. I don't think I spoke much, or looked many ppl in the eye. I remember most the negatives of school life and being picked on. I wasn't taught much, or trained in how to think for myself, or think logically. I was taught how to be confident in who I was in Christ and shown my good traits. So, I wandered aimlessly through life, until my confidence was found. At that point, it was all just a desperate attempt to soak in all the fun, friends and acceptance that I could. I stood by certain values/morals that had been ingrained in me, but mostly to point at others and show them their 'sin'. Much, much later, I met someone who challenged me to think. Wow, of all things. :) Now, as I study the Word, and read info.,( scientific, historical, or whatever) I don't just accept what's being presented and many times I have a bone to pick with something that's said or presented because I see a fault in it. Now, here's where the problem has been lately. I stand up now for what I believe and try to back every opinion up with either Scripture or logical reasoning, and believe me, it hasn't made me too many friends. I know this desire for truth in me has challenged some ppl in a good way, but, I think it's also driven many ppl away. So, now I am coming into a realization that I need to be careful not to have a need to put my view into every conversation. I need to pick only the important and relevant issues to enter into if I have an opposing position. It's interesting though, that even if I become more choosy, I'll still be alienating ppl from myself by being so outspoken. I wonder if this is part of 'the cross' that I carry. It isn't popular many times to challenge ppl to act more as I believe Jesus would want us to act, and many times, actually most times, the things that I am the most passionate about in the moment, are the things that God is putting in my own heart. So, what to do, what to do. Should I slow down and take it easy? Keep my mouth shut, follow the crowd and not rock the boat? I don't know, but I do know that I'm more aware now that I have this issue to mull over and I hope that helps me to only speak out when needed.